don’t beat youself up

because it is by The Will of The God. we can plan & set in motion actions, but the outcome is not in our hands. so Prophet Muhammad taught us through The Quran & his actions, to first, pray about it:

1.  i.e. istaqara, which is a prayer seeking The God’s guidance about a thing, asking Him if it is good or ba & to grant it or take it away, & to let you be content with His decisions.

2. then you plan & put into motion the thing you’ve prayed about & consulted The God about

3. then you hope, have patience & trust & know that The God Knows what we do not & that He says that sometimes we can love a thing that is not good for us & hate a thing that is good for us
[Yusuf Ali Translation of The Holy Quran:

[The Truth About Islam