Oh my God! No! Please, we sometimes digg ourselves into a hole so deep, we can’t see any way out. Life is full of test & trials, some we cause our selves. But there is always a way. I don’t know what your faith is, what you believe or don’t believe, but I ask you to do the following, it won’t cost you anything, nor take anything away from you. Just take a few minutes to say: “I call on The One Who Created me. I screwed up big time. It has become a living hell. I don’t see any way out but death. I feel lost, alone, don’t know how to make things right. So, please, help me. Guide me to You, let me recognize it & set my heart firm on it. Help me find the best way for all concerned, to may things better. Help me thru this difficult time. Grant me patience, hope, strong will to keep it moving. To trust in You & know that there is nothing that You can’t do.”
Now, here’s a story to show you that no matter how bad things seem, He Will help the sincere:
[(The Prophet said, “There was a man from among a nation before you who killed ninety nine people & then he set out asking (whether his repentance could be accepted or not). he began to make an inquiry whether there was any way left for him for repentance & moved from one village to another village where there lived pious persons, & as he had covered some distance,)]
[(He came to a monk & asked him about that, & he said, There is no chance for repentance for you. He killed the monk also thus completing one hundred.)]
[(He kept on asking till he then asked about the learned persons of the earth & he was directed to a scholar, & he told him that he had killed one hundred persons & asked him whether there was any scope for his repentance to be accepted. He said: Yes, what stands between you & the repentance? the man said, You better go to such & such land; there are people devoted to prayer & worship & you also worship along with them & do not come to the land of yours, since it was an evil land (for you). So he went away & he had hardly covered half the distance when death came to him & there was a dispute between The Angels of mercy & The Angels of punishment.)]
[(The Angels of mercy said: This man has come as a penitent & remorseful to The God & The Angels of punishment said: He has done no good at all. Then there came another Angel in the form of a human being in order to decide between them. He said: You measure the land to which he has drawn near.)]
[(The God) ordered the village (towards which he was going) to come closer to him (his body), & ordered the village (whence he had come), to go far away (from his body), & then He ordered The Angels to measure the distances between his body & the two villages.)]
[(So he was found to be one span closer to the village (he was going to). So he was forgiven.” so The Angels of mercy collected his soul”.)]
Nothing is worst than murder & of so many, yet, because of that man’s sincerity to make things right, look what The God did for him.
So, please, don’t despair, loose hope, give up, nor give in. For The God says:
(Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even The Messenger and those who believed along with him said, “When (will come) The Help of The God?” Yes! Certainly, The Help of The God is near!) (2:214)
(The Holy Quran)
[Al-Bukhari & Muslim].
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I pray The God helps you thru your difficult time.